The Not So Monthly Monkey

Beautiful mommy (currently known as mama) says. Stunning she says. Can't believe she made me she says. Mom is a little people factory, who knew? She gets quite smug about it. Says she makes pretty babies. Well, pretty baby. That would be me. "I made eyeballs!" She says. "I can make people!" It truly is amazing that something so beautiful (me) came from that silly woman.


Two things I love to fuss about with. Bandanas and hair. I love to grab hold of hair and yank yank yank. Some babies have pacis that they suck on. Not me! I have a rainbow of bandanas. Evil Aunt Donna has one of them on her head! I simply had to remove it, grabbing a handful of hair in the process. I go to sleep with one every night. Mama tosses a couple in the corners of my crib so when I wake up I can find one, suck on it and self sooth. It works. I love them. I have refused a paci since day one.

Mama and I also use bandanas for the "Where's Rowan/Mama" game. She puts it over my head, says "Where's Rowan?" and I snatch it off quickly and giggle. She puts it over her face and head and says "Where's Mama" and I'll come up off my bottom to reach and pull it off. We do this over and over. Mama seems to enjoy this game so I keep it up.
The Evil Ones (Mama and Aunt Donna) picked up a sandbox for me for $10. At a yard sale if you can believe that. That is all those heffers talk about lately... Yaaarrdd Saallle they sing all the time. They drag me along with my sun hat, sunblock and bandana. It's not too bad of a gig, especially since most of what they buy is for me these days. Mom did plop me down in an umbrella stroller for a test drive a few weeks ago to see if it was a good one. It was not a good one, the front wheels wouldn't move. Before mama could pick me up and take me out of it I threw up the contents of my last 6 meals. All over me, the stroller, the floor. She had to give me a bath in the bathroom sink of a church. I made a mess. Mama paid for the stroller and then donated it right back to them. $4 gone. The reflux.... is a stroller buyer.

Mama has been playing in my sand box. Says she needs sand on her toes and this is the closest thing she is going to get for awhile. She is hoping to time it so I take my first real steps on the beach. I hope she is successful.
I love Aunt Donna's house. She has all manner of critters, some even bigger than mama! Here I am chillin on her back porch in my walker playing with a whirly gig thingie. They amuse me but not as much as mama. Mama can play with one for hours. Easily amused, that one.
This is Elvis. He ain't nothing but a hounddog, therefore he is The King. Aunt Donna blames his existance at her house on mama. Leaving in search of yard sales one morning in April mama says "You are going to come home with a puppy today." Aunt Donna goes into a tirade (one of her many) about how once all the blankity blank critters are dead at her house she won't have another blanking one of them. HA! The Evil Ones stopped to ask directions (to a yard sale if you can believe that) and Elvis and his sibblings where there, abandoned. Of course he had to come home with us. He road in the front seat of the truck like a champ with his head in mamas lap. Aunt Donna threatens to put him on Craigslist about once a week for chewing her picnic table and shooshing in the yard (he shooshes bigger than I do). Mama thinks it is an empty threat. He is too stinking cute and likes me too much. He lets me pull on him, pound on him, roll on him. Whatever. He just takes it. He even puts his big pointy claws in my lap and doesn't hurt me. He licks my head (mama says yuck, puppy drool) and slobbers on my legs. He likes me.
This is Honey. She has the most beautiful blue eyes. This was my first day on a horse. The first day, I loved it. I sat still and giggled and waved my arms around and smiled. The next weekend... not so much. I was hungry and tired and The Evil Ones tried to put me on the beast again and I wasn't having it. That is OK. There is always next time. I can't WAIT to ride! Mama can't either. She told me that soon I was going to go to Nanas for the day so she can ride and drink beer. She explained how you have to balance your saddle bags. You have to remember which side you fetched your beverage from the last time so you can get one from the other side the next time. Important life lessons mama is teaching me.
Aunt Donna got suckered by her MIL to go get a family picture made. Aunt Donna said the hell with that and took me instead. Mama had to work and didn't get to go but she can't wait to see the pics. I'm betting they are not half as good as the paparatzi (aka Aunt Rachel) takes. I wore my white dress and my bare feet. Here I'm posing in the yard with Salsa. Aunt Donna says getting me out of the house was an ordeal. She told Uncle Bill "We can't ever be grandparents, this is too much work!"




Mom took a series of about 2o shots and each one turned out great. She didn't want to upload them all because her computer is slow as uncle Char getting around to yard mowing. I had on a linen dress that was just too cute. Mom wants one just like it in her size. Minus the flowers. She loves linen clothes.
On Mom's first day off with nothing to do but play with me after her move at work she took me to the Zoo! She planned it on a Wednesday so she could get in for $1, a good deal if you live in Chattanooga. My first time to the zoo, mama was so excited. She babbled about it for days, telling me about the critters we would see. She got online, told me what they have there. She talked about the different birds, the wise old owls, the monkey who is as old as she is. She straps me to her body and carrys me around, pointing out the critters. Me, I liked the trees. The leaves. The lights on the ceiling. The only critter I really saw was a snake. I tried to pick him up but he was behind glass. Mama had good intentions and she enjoyed the zoo. She loved the tiny deer and the panda. Precious I'm sure but they had NOTHING on those light fixtures in the monkey house.

We did ride the carousel. That was fun. Mama picked us out a critter to ride and what does she pick? A monkey of course. We went up and down and round and round. I sat in front of her and she held my belly. I waved my arms around and gooed and gahhed. Mom tried to get a good pic of me but this was about the best she could do all by herself. She also flirted a little with an obvious single dad. I can't take her anywhere.
My first pair of sunglasses! They have tiny cherries on them. My friend Lyndi gave them to me at daycare. She is too big for them now. She and her mom give me all kinds of stuff. Here I am sporting the latest in baby fashion...
Float (yardsale) $3
Sunglasses (free)
Speedo spf50 sunblock hat $3 (Unclaimed Baggage Store, a gift from Uncle Kevin before I even arrived)
Swimmie diaper 12 for $7.
Being slung around like a sack of taters by mama in the pool...
Priceless.
I am far too cool for this ugly Winnie the Pooh carseat. It was a last minute, Christmas Eve purchase at Wal-Mart. The car seat I had when mom first brought me home from the hospital was not comfy for a little baby. She didn't get out of the house much from my birthday (November 21st... don't anyone forget) until Christmas so she didn't get another one. We were going to have Christmas with the Fammilly and it was a 2 hour drive so she got the only carseat at Wally that was my size. Mama is browsing and shopping for another one now. It says I can use it until I'm 35lbs but my feet hang over the edge by about 3 inches. I'm only 21 lbs but it is time for a big girl carseat.
Mama could give two shooshs about sports but my pawpaw is a huge Tennessee fan. He is determined that the first two words that I string together will be "Go Vols." Mama just amuses him. Mom found this little cheerleader outfit at .... you won't believe this.... a yard sale and picked it up for him. I wore it on Father's Day. Mama isn't sure which she dislikes most... the fact that I'm dressed to support a football team or the fact that I'm in a cheerleader outfit.
Mama and I are sharing a moment here. The lady in the stripes is my Nana. I'm silently bonding with mama in this picture over Nana.
This is Gerry. He stayed with mama and I for just over two months. I had so much fun with Gerry. He left last week and I miss him. Mama misses him too (sorta) but she is getting tons more stuff done with him gone AND I'm getting to sleep about 45 minutes earlier since he left. He is a talker, not quite as chill as mama and I. He is good to me. He picks me up from daycare, does things for mama and me. I would curl up with him in the mornings while mama took a shower. Yup. I miss Uncle Gerry.
Uncle Gerry and Mama went for a walk in the park one night after a big rain. The path was flooded. That was OK! Mama had on chacos and braved the flood, determined that it was safe and Gerry and I charged on through.
I LOVE this dude. He is best pals with my big brother Zack (whose legs you can see in the background). For a youngen, he is so good with babies. He came to see me when I was in the hospital. He is such a super nifty dude. Mama hopes I grow up to have friends like him and all of Z's other friends when I grow up. His mom brews beer for a living. When he tried his first sip of beer he told her he didn't like it. "Go to your room!" She shouted. Yup. Mom loves this dude. I'm showing him that I'm tough here. I proved it later by stealing his hat.

This is my big brother Z. We still don't know quite what to think of each other. I wonder if this is his only shirt. When he came to see me in the hospital just after I escaped from The Evil Ones wretched womb he had on this same shirt. I wonder if he is still tired of those snakes on that plane. Beside us is the other nectar of the gods, Diet Cherry Pepsi. And my bandana.
"And then they held me down and put pointy things in my leg!" This is me telling the other monkey about my visit to the doctor. This picture was taken the day I turned 6 months old. I was showing him my hearted covered bandaid and telling him about the horrors that were done to me at the hand of Evil Mommy and her band of swab carrying, paper table covering bandits.
This may be moms favorite photograph. Ever. On May 8th we went to Rootsfest at Cherokee Farms. Uncle Kevin and his boys were there. Uncle K sent mom a text yesterday out of the blue to say he loves us. Loves mom. She said "I love you more." His response was "No way you could." Mommy would be lost without this man. He and Aunt Donna are her rocks. He was the first person to hold me. When she pee peed on the stick and discovered she was pregnant with me she called him first. Or Donna. She can't remember which but it amounts to the same. When I was in Mamas belly he would pat her stomach and say in awe and wonder "You're pregnant." He was excited because the "Boobie fairy" was gonna come while mom was pregnant. He was anxious to see them BIGGER. Freak. Mommy loves him so much.
There is a book that Mama reads to me called "Someday." One of the pictures in this book is of a lady doing this with her baby in the snow. We haven't had snow to do that with but we did have storm clouds. Mama is holding me up and showing me the world.
It's a bird! It's a plane! It's super boobs! Now that moms boobs are no longer a food source they have become a nice, comfy bed for Zero to sleep on. There mama and I were, curled up in the big chair reading a book when out of nowhere the little black beast comes and decides to get between us. Luckily mom had the camera at arms length.

I like to help mama at work. This was taken in May before she left the small place and moved to the big place. Now when I help her I sit in a tote. Here I'm sporting my shoes that say "Mom." Looks like a tattoo some big biker dude would have. My shirt? Says ABCD but it has a lightening bolt between the B and the C so it is my AC/DC shirt. I gots me a stiff upper lip folks. You want a dirty deed? I'll do it dirt cheap.
When I can walk I shall rule the world! Everyone will fall into my evil clutches. Mewuuarrhh!
We'll end this edition of the Monthly Monkey with the sideways Rowan and Mommy. Every time Mama tries to edit a picture it crashes her computer. She needs to take it a random 8 year old on the street and have them defridge, debug, debunk or whatever the heck it is that needs to be done that she has not the patience to learn how to do. She's great at many things this mother of mine. She has many fine qualities. Patience with electronics is not one of them.

Until next time...

The Monkey